“What’s your number?”
He wasn’t talking about my phone number; he wanted to know how many people I slept with in my life.
Way back when, it was a funny common truth or dare question to ask your crush or a new friend, it also so happened that I didn’t know anyone that needed a pen and paper to compile the grand total. Once you need more than fingers and toes can count, women will hide the truth and men will brag. It’s a simple rule and like the Anonymous Author in The Rare Unicorn, women always subtract and men always add to their number. So why even bother asking the question if you know the answer will always be erroneous.
At the end of the day, I don’t really need to ask – as a veteran single woman, I’ve developed fine point technology radar to detect with accuracy one’s “number”. Indeed, this radar is now used to detect the deadliest type of people: the serial daters.
I’m not one to judge your in-between the sheets bedtime stories; your number of conquest will not cause you prejudice. Casanova made his fame on the sole basis that he slept with 132 women and made a very good impression doing it with oysters and other tricks. However, your dating life will. What I mean by this is, the mere realization that one hasn’t been single for more than 6 months since the tender age of 18 years old (do not confuse the people that have been in ONE loving and caring committed relationship all their life), will make me want to run far away.
Let me explain.
These people collect relationships like jobs – We’ve all been told that a hole in a CV isn’t a wise career move, well in life, being relationship-less for a bit is actually a good thing to develop one’s sense of self-acceptance. The serial daters seem to think otherwise.
Men and Women that can’t stand to be alone for a single month are to be avoided like the plague. They chose their new partner, not on the basis that they like the qualities this person has to offer, but on the only trait that they are single and ready to engage in a relationship with them. It’s not desperation it’s apprehension of the single life. The serial dater doesn’t take the time to meditate on the relationship they just left; they are too busy finding that “somebody” to fill the newly created gap. Reflection after a relationship is key to auto-analyse where things went sour and also what you want/don’t want in your next S.O. The idea of having to get to know themselves is so scary, that they prefer dodging the bullet and focusing their attention on someone new. They couldn’t care less that this new relationship is dysfunctional, at least they have a +1 to invite to dinner parties and no void in their beds at night.
Most of the time, the serial dater is not aware of their many insecurities and their lack of self-awareness. They have a syndrome called Arrested Development, as much as they can be functional people, a part of their personality has not developed normally into adulthood. Indeed, an easy way to recognize the lady serial dater is by her lack of personal hobbies, she only likes what her boyfriend does and changes hobbies as much as she changes boyfriend. The male serial dater, is much different, he’s a lover boy. He has no shame, after a few weeks of dating, you’ll probably have met all his entourage and spent every single day with him. He just loves everything about you.
The only way they feel accomplished is with a partner, a single person is automatically an unhappy one. Their self worth is dictated by the only component that they are with someone. Alone, they will be miserable.
A Serial dater, in contrast with the Casonovas of this world, will never self-proclaim it. How could they? They barely know themselves.