Bi the Way

Last week, I had a conversation, with my cousin Lee, about a recent trend she’s been observing in her entourage.  It went a little something like this:

Lee: So I’m going through Facebook pics of an old friend from High School, and I stumbled on one were she is totally tongue deep in some girls mouth.  What’s up with that?  She’s straight or I mean, I’ve always known her to be.

Elle: Interesting… Who is this girl?  Is she hot?

Lee: Elle!! Focus… That’s not my point.

Elle: Well maybe she’s curious… Or came out, I don’t know…

Lee: Or Bisexual.  How do you know for sure anyways if you’re gay or bi? I mean it’s such a fine line no?

Actually, no it’s not a fine line, in my opinion.  I have often said that I believe sexuality is a spectrum, and that every person places somewhere on that continuum.  I don’t believe you can be 100% anything in life, certainly not when talking about sexual orientation. Of course you can and will have preferences and that’s how usually you will identify your sexuality.

If I had a dollar for every girl that told me she was bisexual (including myself at some point),  I would have lots of money to buy a two bedroom condo with a parking space, in Manhattan, to share with a pretty lesbian.  You get my point.  Girls, mostly and I’ll get to that in part 2 of this article, are claiming bisexuality like the world is running out and you better get yours while it’s hot.  Some are actually bisexual, and others say they are when really they fit into one of these categories.

  • She may just be an attention whore, trying to give the surrounding males a semi.
  • She may have trust issues with men or may not be sexually satisfied, “my boyfriend wont give me head.” Guys Tr-eat your girl right.
  • Or she may have been charmed by a girl exuding sex.  This happens, and it can be either out of curiosity or envy.

It is not abnormal for a woman to be attracted to other women and openly act on it.  If this has happen to you, ask yourself this question, “how many drinks did I have that night?”  I am not trying to belittle your experience, trust me.  I say this because often when people drink they tend to act on desires, letting their horniness come out to play.  So making out with a girl when you’re drunk can just mean that you are curious, and that’s a very normal thing.  Good for you for trying new things.  Don’t panic, you’re not gay or bi because you kissed a girl – maybe chill out on the Katy Perry.

To be considered truly bisexual, I believe, you need two things: attraction and emotional drive.

Attraction doesn’t mean, once in a while (or often), you visit the “girl on girl” category of your favorite spank site, or that you think the girl in Robin Thicke’s Blurred lines video is hot.  Her name is Emily Ratajkowski, and I think we can universally agree that she’s slamming.  What it means is that a girl can give you that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach, the butterflies, for lack of a better expression.  The excitement of being hopelessly in a trance of attraction by this person.

Emily-Ratajkowski Blurred lines

If you wake up having a panic attack, because there’s a girl in your bed you’ve slept with and no man as a buffer, and feel like you need an Ativan to calm your tits, you’re NOT bisexual.  She might be drop dead gorgeous, but you’re still trying to figure out what drugs lead you to go down on her?!  The only thing you want to do is pull a Houdini, disappear, hoping you will never bump into her again. If you think this is your shameful little secret, maybe you shouldn’t go around announcing that you’re a bi-curious girl.

Freak out and Wake up

However if you’re stone cold sober the next morning, finding yourself wanting this person to stay in your bed, so you could share lattes together in a pile of covers, you might have a petit penchant for the same gender.  Basically, you see yourself developing a crush on this person, and repeating the deed without the help of illicit substances.  You’ve got a base going.

What I’m saying is you see the possibility of developing feelings as much as much as you would for the opposite gender, equally.  Bisexuality means that you are completely bias as to the gender of your next lover, it just really, TRUELY, doesn’t matter to you. In my experience, this is quite rare.

Stay tuned for part 2 of Bi the Way… There’s more.

Peace, I’m out.