Bi the Way… There’s More

Now that I’ve defined the type of attraction, I believe, it takes to consider yourself bisexual. Let’s talk about emotionial drive. This is the bigger question, the one lots of people know the answer to but will not raise their hand to voice.

Girls love the idea of connecting with a lover on a very strong emotional level, it feels safe.  It also makes intimacy that much more incredible, because of the trust. Letting yourself completely go and feeling like you can totally trust your partner because you connect on this exponential level is, I believe, the goal of “searching for the one”.

Many women can be in same sex relationships, but know deep down in their hearts they  will not make this relationship the “ONE”.  They will argue that they want kids and a family organically.  Major red flag. So basically it means they do not believe this is an achievable goal in a same sex relationship.  Or in the long run, they will choose a heterosexual lifestyle, well because that’s how the fairytale ends.  It’s not Cinderella and the Princess, it’s Cinderella and the Prince. Thanks Disney!

That being said, many who claim to be bisexuals are living in temporary relationships, waiting to move on to “the real deal”.  The L Word, one of the most watched lesbian tv series, calls these girls “hasbians”, in other words it once happened.  They are also referred to as “temporary bis”, and no one wants to think of their relationship as being temporary.   Even if chances are slim that at the age of 20 years old you may have met the person who will be your happily-ever-after; nobody wants to feel disposable.  It’s just flat out insulting.

When a girl who has never dated a woman enters a same sex relationship, it can be that she is feeling vulnerable or betrayed after a shitty experience with a guy.  Or she was charmed by another chick the same way any attraction happens.  Once girls discover this level of emotional connection, they usually will entertain the idea of being bisexual. Or you will end up with the infamous “I’m only gay for you” card aka the joker in my deck. Flattering for a little while, but gets old real quick when your partner is always hiding their hand from the world.  For a full length movie example, please refer to Kissing Jessica Stein.

Joker Card

What ends up happening is people who are using the term bisexual loosely are giving actual bisexual a bad rep.  That is why many gays do not wish to enter a relationship with a person claiming to be bisexual – they just don’t feel safe.  If a person has the option to live a, let’s not kid ourselves, easier life, chances are they will take it.  My argument was always “if I am in love, why should I look elsewhere?”, this question is relevant in all relationships, gay or straight.

Consider this heterosexual scenario, let’s say you’ve been dating this person and they tell you straight up that because of your ethnicity, religion or career, they’ll never be able to settle down with you. Would you stay with that person knowing that you’re just the flavor of the month?  Could you keep investing your love and energy knowing this person may ditch you for the one who fits perfectly into the glass slipper?

Think about it.

It’s F**** insulting.

No matter what you do you will never make the cut, the glass slipper will never fit.

Cinderella-Slipper-2012

Earlier I mentioned that it was mostly women that claim bisexuality.  Men, unfortunately, have less space to openly explore their sexuality without judgement.  There is still a heavy social stigma hanging over their heads.  Proof, during my convo with Lee, she clearly said she would not be able to be with an openly bisexual man.  Why?

Lee: I’m just not comfortable thinking that a boy’s night, can become a boy on boy’s night.

Elle: Well those are some deep TRUST issue you got there Lee, it has nothing to do with being attracted to both genders.

Lee: Exactly, there are twice as many possibilities to be cheated on.

Elle: Again a TRUST issue.

Lee: I feel like he would just be using me as his beard, and just doesn’t have the balls to come out to his parents.

Case and point.  And there it is, the typical stereotype of how men need to be either one or the other.

Courtney Love + Kurt Cobain

“If I wouldn’t have found Courtney, I probably would have carried on with a bisexual lifestyle”             Kurt Cobain

I’ve never, or rarely, heard a girl ask her boyfriend if she could watch him and his friend get it on, yet this comment is so cliché when it comes to two girls.

Also a classic, when girls with boyfriends try and hookup with girls and use the “it doesn’t count because you’re a girl” excuse.  That’s actually insulting to me.  If you have an arrangement with your boyfriend where you may sleep with other people, amazing.  It may not be considered cheating in your relationship, fair enough, but it counts.  I count just the same as any other person.  I find that excuse to be homophobic, we all count the same, equally.

Bisexuals do not have it easy.  They take heat and rejection from both sides.  Constantly having to prove themselves as being legitimately attracted and able to commit to the same gender, to the gay community.  They also have to deal with being type casted as “the party girl” that wants attention.

All of this has never stopped me for sleeping or crushing on a “straight” girl, but it has made me wiser about it.  When some major red flags pop up, let’s just say I am prone to pull out of the situation.  Love can be messy, and unfortunately you can’t always choose who you fall for.  The heart wants what the heart wants.  With time and experience you learn to identify patterns and avoid them for hurting you, navigate past potential disasters.

Peace, I’m out… Literally.

Elle